![]() Step back emotionally so you can coach your child through it without taking sides.Īfter each child has a chance to talk, ask, “How could you work this out?” Listen to kids’ ideas for addressing the problem. It is common for parents to get drawn into the dialogue. “This won’t come easy,” Walfish cautions. You want them to learn how to wrestle with a conflict face-to-face without demeaning the other person. Give each child a chance to speak their piece without interruption or name-calling. Kids should present their concerns to each other, not to authority figures. “Position yourself as a mediator,” says Walfish. Tattletales who judge and blame are usually more focused on their peers’ behavior than their own. Ask questions about how your child plans to handle the situation - that will bring out their inner resilience. “Kids won’t say, ‘I need you to listen to this and be outraged on my behalf and then do absolutely nothing,’” says Thompson, “but 90 per cent of the time that is what they want.” When your child comes to you with a story, listen, accept, acknowledge and bear it. But experts say parents shouldn’t dismiss kids’ reports or tell them to “get over it.” Sometimes kids who tattle just want a safe place to share their concerns. It seems obvious: giving attention to a child who tattles will only reward them for tattling. “If you are harsh and judgmental with your children, they’ll act the same way with peers.” “Parents need to take an honest look within,” says Walfish. An older child might feel they are held to a higher standard than their younger siblings, or that they are disciplined more severely. “Tattling at home may also be rooted in sibling rivalry,” says Walfish. Tattletales suffer from an overdose of conscience. “Kids tattle because they’ve developed a strong sense of right and wrong and they start policing other people,” says Walfish. Parents might assume kids tattle because they don’t feel empowered to stick up for themselves, says Fran Walfish, Ph.D., a child and adolescent psychotherapist. Bringing infractions to an adult’s attention sets your kid up for friendship failure. “Kids who tattle get labelled - tattletale, squealer, snitch - and left out,” says Thompson. But by second grade, the prohibition against inviting adults into social conflicts is clear. At times, they legitimately need our help resolving disputes and soothing hurt feelings. “In early childhood, it’s normal for kids to share social problems with parents,” says psychologist and school consultant Michael Thompson, Ph.D., author of Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children. And dissatisfaction is part of the process. Interactions with siblings and friends allow kids to practice communication, negotiation and compromise. If your child’s playdates and sleepovers are punctuated by whiney reports of misdeeds and injustice, you may be tempted to clear your kid’s social calendar. ![]() Nobody likes a tattletale - not even their mother or father. Tattle Taming: Why Kids Tattle and How to Respond
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